I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
