one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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