Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
