Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
