you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
