): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I supernannyed him into submission
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
