haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
