He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
