I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
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You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
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I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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