Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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