Screwed.edu
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
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