you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
