Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
