Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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