no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
