You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
