i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
