u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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