UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I yelled at your uterus for you.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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