So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
