I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
