Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
