I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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