A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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