i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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