my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
