Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
