Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
