Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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