I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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