You're my little dorito
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
