And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
