I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
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