so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
