any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
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He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
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Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
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