I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Randomize