he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
