Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
