I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
