Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things ππ
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