he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
