Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
if only i could text you this smell
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
