Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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