so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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