Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
