so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
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