wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize