I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
