All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
