Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Only a mothe r could love this liver
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
