Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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