I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
