Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
