I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
