All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
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Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
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Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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