Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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