A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
