a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.