were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
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I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
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Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
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