Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I don't think brook has ever known best
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
