Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.