Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.