Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.