So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
