she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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