He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
