Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
