Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
