how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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