i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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