is your mom at the bar?
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
