Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
