she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Congratulations! We have a period
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