11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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