i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
