imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
