Your dad touched me again.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
