can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
