Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
