Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Randomize
