I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
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She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
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Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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