It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
