I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Randomize
